Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize
