i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
