My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
