yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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