help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
