i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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