I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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