I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
