Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
