wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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