Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
