whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
