dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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