Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
