shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
