You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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