I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
