I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
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