You really coming over, don't trick.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
