We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
