i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
