just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
