I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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