I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
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