You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
This is the high leading the old right now
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
