In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
