So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
oh god was she eating orange peels again
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Randomize
