So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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