someone threw a dead crab at me
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
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