new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
