Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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