Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
