summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
