Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
