PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
