dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
