Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
