I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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