your parents love me but you hate me
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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