rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
