He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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