New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
