I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Randomize