If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
3pm strippers are depressing
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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