OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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