I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Randomize
