we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
