She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
