Hey man sorry I got all grabby
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
