Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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