I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
