dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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