I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
