You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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